Witty Friend T-Shirts

'I don't think she's pretty.' 'Neither do I.' (After a pause.) 'Did she refuse you too?'

'An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. . .'

'If you join alcoholics anonymous - do you have to drink under an assumed name?'

It started with a giggling sound in the suspension, then a noise in the ventilator, and then...

"Hey, church lady. You got any Bailey's?"

Space Man

Bangers and Mash

"Tight Fit"

"Self Service"

Armour Plate

Dustman

"You go first. If there's a flesh-eating virus in there, I want it to be well-fed."

Picking Brains

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Bed Spread"

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Crow and fox

'Oh, and one more thing

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

Jokes machine.

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

Shall I be mother?

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

The Algonquin Round Table

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."