Witty Exchanges Fan Prints

Did you actually pass the bar? Usually, I go in at lunch for a beer, but yes, today I passed it. Care to join me when I do go in later?

'A cheeky red?'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"Inactivists"

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

Paper Boy

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

Cold caller.

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

The Gilmore Girls

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

'This is a no rise office.'

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

'What can we do to reduce our spending?'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

David Letterman