Wine Wunderkind T-Shirts

"Not right now - can I get back to you when I've aged my wine collection?"

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

Yoga for Alcoholics

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Keith Floyd.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Karen's idea of wine reduction..."

Skiing

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Portfolio, 2011

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

Baby at Christmas Dinner

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

"Don't feel bad. The rest of us can't hold our liquor either."

'I'd recommend the white wine.'

'I think we're all safe now. Go ahead and say spatlese.'

'Really, Bob, the Wine Fairy?'

'My first day in our vineyard wasn't a total loss, honey. I found two pennies.'

'I figured I was in hell when I saw the wine list - 800 selections, and they're all white zinfandels.'