Wine Shop Employee Pillows

'You want an ultra-sweet, kosher wine to serve with dinner? What's the main course, popsicles?'

'Hit it with a ship, like they do on telly.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

true love.

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

Nouveau wine

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Red for me, please.'

"Harold, please -- the wine steward is entitled to his opinion, too."