Wine Shop Attendant Pillows

"Have you a cabernet that will pair well with dysfunction?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

true love.

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Okay, that's 4 for the Malbec, 3 for the Chianti and 2 for the Merlot. You want to go with that, or wait for the write-in votes?'

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

Nouveau wine

A high wire act walks over to a bottle of wine.

'Can you recommend something that will make my date sound interesting.'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."