Wine Appreciator T-Shirts

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

'I drink wine for enjoyment, my husband drinks it for analysis.'

"Don't bother waiting up tonight. I've got my wine-awareness group."

"And then, suddenly, it was 3 P.M., and she hadn't really got anything done."

"Great coffee, Carole."

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

'Most people serve crackers to cleanse the pallet at a wine tasting. You had to pick one hosted by a dental hygienist.'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'Knock that back please, I'm cleaning the crystal.'

In a bar; guest is checking the wine and the bartender is checking the money...

'These late lunches have got to stop.'

"Must you always be so anthropomorphic?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'A cheeky red?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Wine Lady

Bacchus.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Sauvignon Bonk

"Now I really hate poetry."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'