Wildlife Witticist T-Shirts

"I may look goofy, bu I'm in the New York Times crossword puzzle way more than Alan Alda."

"Are you getting a signal up there?"

Yeah, maybe so, but you're not higher up on the food chain. (Published originally on April 28, 2009.)

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"Too much concealer?"

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"I'd kill for a fresh fruit fritter."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'Pray for me.'

Civilized Salmon

Giraffe Portrait

'I wanted a change in decor.'

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

'You know, after a long hard winter, I just HATE eating out of cans.'

Crow and fox

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

Saving for Retirement.

'Fancy a swift half?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"Don't worry, it's not rabies: It's normal for me to foam at the mouth..."

The different taste regions on a blue whale's tongue.

'I didn't have time to hunt'

The cat's pyjamas - cat camouflage.

"Man, what I wouldn't do for one of those free-range meals right now."

The polar bear's vending machine.

A polar bear has slipped and is sprawled out on the ice next to a yellow caution sign that features a slipping figure.

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"