Wild Night Raconteur Pillows

"And the next thing I knew, I was kissing her, and two of her friends, I think one was a dude, then we all did Ecstasy, rented a limo, and went to Vegas—but I swear that's all that happened."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

Non Thought For The Day.

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

Wow, I don't know why we don't sit down like this more often!

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

"Papi, I heard something!"

"I'll need a three iron."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

'Life on the farm used to be so... innocent. What's happened to us?'

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

"No dear - there are no malcontents at odds with society under your bed."

Social butterfly

Max Beerbohm

Now we wait for the show to begin!

'Farm News' readers want to know about my childhood? Rather normal really: Lived in a pigsty, ate swill every day...'

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

'Once upon a time'...'I've hear it.'

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

'I hear there are some mighty big deer in these woods.'

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

It Actually Happened 'My neighbour is always bragging about her Manx cat....