Wild Chef T-Shirts

'Hold your breath! It's time to add spices and I don't want you to sneeze into my dinner.'

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

"Lori, out here it's my kitchen!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Keith Floyd.

Better Not Squash.

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Tzatzikicicle

Fish flipping flapjack in pan. Title: 'Ed was glad he'd caught a panfish.'

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

Sushi Train Set.

"You think you're so damn Cordon Bleu!"

Spatula Conductor

'I know it's daring, but I always try one new recipe for Thanksgiving dinner.'

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

Artist and chiken

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

Football Pudding

Who wants to lick the swatters.

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

Bart is quite at home on the range.

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

"She'll only eat it if I cut it up in cloverleaf shapes, serve it on a blue plate, and do a little dance as I serve it."

"Can't talk now, I'm dicing with death, we're doing stir-fry."

'Do try our jailhouse rock cake.'

'Your dinner's in the oven.'

'Anyone lost a mobile?'

Multi-Functional

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

"That reminds me. The church pot luck dinner is Sunday."

'My mum's not very hygienic... She cooks carrots and peas in the same pot!'

'Alien autopsy!'