Wikipedia Critic Gifts

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

Hate Platforms

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"About the vaccine, I read online that it was so Bill Gates could inject us with CHIPS!"

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"I don't care what you read on your Facebook feed, the Covid vaccine will not turn you into a zombie flesh eaters."

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

Samuel Beckett

"You'll never believe who's here."

Elon Musk Ditches Twitter Logo

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"