Whiskey Collecting T-Shirts

Common stock, Preferred stock, Private stock.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'A cheeky red?'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Wine Lady

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Join me in a Martini?

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Trump Poutine

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Bernstein's got himself a driverless club

"You got maybe one that smells like cheese blintzes frying?"

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

'Al, that hopeless romantic, sends me love letters written in wine. I just wish he'd use red instead of white.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

true love.

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Some scents are nonsense.

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

Portfolio, 2011

"Quick swig first?"

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'