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'Sorry, Mr. Weinbaum, but you should have said 'Simon says not guilty.''

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Mou...Man trap!

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Judge Mental.'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

'Must you be so judgemental?'

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

'It drives me crazy when people whine about the collapse of the system!'

'An injunction against the First Amendment? - Can we DO that?'

'Speak of the devil, there's my attorney now.'

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

Law 'N' Order

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

Sketches by Boz - A Pickpocket Being Wheelbarrowed to Police Station

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'So I'll see you in court tomorrow afternoon...and bring your toothbrush.'

Audiovisual law

'You're my 100,000th conviction... so, I'm going to take 25 off your sentence.'