Whimsical Horticulturist T-Shirts

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

The Phantom Of The Garden

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

Frontispiece to the Artists' Catalogue.

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Vaccinating Scarecrow

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

Plants to Avoid - Creeping Wallenda

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

'Every summer, dandelions can't wait to go topless!'

Garden Shop: Pig $#!@ and Sheep $#!@

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

Hedgecutter cutting a hedge 'key' into a hedge 'door'

Impractical Gardener.

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

'A remarkable specimen. It's a bonsai oak but badly affected by giantism.'

"The scientists never stopped to ask if they should - only if they could."

Escaping Flowers

Woman Planting Flowers in her Snow Covered Garden.

Skyscrapers.

"Sorry, but she says she's not interested. She just wants to play the field."

"I've discovered why it isn't cutting the grass properly - it's a vacuum cleaner."

Mystery vegetable growing in plot.

"You've just raided your last patch!"

Venus fly trap.

Gardener's Calendar: Keep an eye open for pests

"What seems to be the problem?"

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."