Whimsical Financier T-Shirts

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'I can take some of the swing out of your portfolio.'

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"Well, you say it's wrong, but it could be correct in an alternative universe."

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

'Once upon a time, in a faraway land with a budget surplus...'

'I believe in Santa Claus, and I believe in the guaranteed annual 10% return.'

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

Jerry, times are tough. I'll take your iou for $75 only if it's written on a $100 bill.

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

"It's your cat broker, Madame - he has a hot tip on a Siamese."

"It's called investing! You give me your worm now, I eat half of it, feed the other half to the fish and, in a month, we share the fish 10/90 my way. . ."

'This is better than magic beans, Jack. It's stock in the company that makes the magic beans.'

Business Fairy Tales.

"The tooth fairy direct-deposited your quarter."

"Simply swipe your card, enter the pin, and a pot of gold will be deposited into your account within two working days."

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

"Darby, Bandit, Piper & Spike - Dogs."

'That's our quilt edged investments sorted.'

"Brick, Eh? Well, sorry to blow your house down but these days it's not wise to be so invested in stability."

'Make it seven beans and you got yourself a deal.'

'Can you be more specific? Are you pointing at IBM, IMCLONE, INTEL...?'

Financial advice books for boomers.

Cash Machine pulls a face at a customer.

'If these coins take root Sid, money really will grow on trees!'

"Sell all my stocks and buy lots of old comic books instead!"