Western Aficionado Gifts

Cowboy Probe

"It's not a shawl, hombre - it's a hand-woven poncho."

"All hat and no cattle but, my god, what a hat."

"It's not difficult - you go 'Hi,' then 'Ho,' then the name of your horse."

Cowboy uses his hat for a private kiss.

'I don't know about you, Clyde, but I'm getting a mighty uneasy feeling we could be riding straight into an ambush interview!'

'Pay and display' parking outside a saloon.

'The pain isn't too bad...but I can't take my hat off!'

'Don't you realize you're inside a church? Take off your hat!'

'Well any Pal o' yours is a pal o' mine.'

"It was just another sleepy little town, until the stranger who would become known as 'The Brass nightmare' came to town."

Mans best friend

'I AM a cowboy so therefore they ARE cowboy boots, OK?'

'A speeding ticket? What in tarnation is a speeding ticket?'

'I said 'Round up a posse'!'

'Did you want me, boss?'

'You stay here. I'll go on a head.'

The hero dramatically rides off into the sunset.

"Yes, but the trouble is he always wears that mysterious smile."

Cowboys about to have gunfight are interrupted by bureaucrat: 'Hold on ... Health & Safety.'

Did you know these beans have zero trans fat?

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'We're gonna need to be a tad bit quicker the next time we circle the wagons, Joe...'

"At the count of ten, let's see if we are still angry."

'When you say I have 24 hours to get out of town, does that include the grace period?'

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"I don't think I need rescuing - the public transit infrastructure is really bad here."

"This is the last time I help you and your 'nervous hoof'."

"Tex encounters the Knick-Knack Indians."

"Say, Bart. Ain't that 'Dead-Eye' Jones?"

I think of "The Fusco Brothers" as a modern-day "Bonanza." Only instead of four cowboys, we have four bums, and instead of a cook named Hop Sing, we have a wolverine named Axel. Is there a term for this fantasy? "Ponderosa Nervosa."

10K Corral. 232.

"I hope you're not going to let your parents pass by without speaking to them."

"There's been a change in plans. Instead of Abilene, we're going to Camelot."

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"