Welfare Wit Pillows

'What have you got on how to apply for Government handouts?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

Doggone

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"This is why I want you to remember the three most important words in the world: spay, neuter, adopt."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"So, Tom from accounting—you remember Tom, right? Anyway, Tom yells 'TMI, Gail!' Can you believe he said that?" "Textbook Tom."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Punch Drunk

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

Graph to find your IQ

'He never listened to his mother!'

Airport

"The government is adamant that a policy of removing income support from lone parents with children over 7 is in the best interests of the treasury."

Paper Boy

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

"Sure. I know of a haystack on the edge of town where you'll be safe until the heat dies down."

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.