Weed Warriors Pillows

'We use to tiptoe through the tulips. . . now we just waddle through the weeds.'

'Say, aren't those the same weeds that came up last year?'

"Wherever you look, there's medical marijuana, but not a word about veterinary marijuana."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'First weeds of spring.'

'I fought the lawn and the lawn won.'

Men playing water football in barrels on a lake

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

'The highest court in the land.'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

Getting Rid of the Cure

The sounds of a tree falling in the forest.

'Whenever he stares out the window like that I know he's about to go into a gardening frenzy.'

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

"hmm. Mother Nature's definitely trying to tell us something here."

"I'm addicted to water."

"I will avenge you, Father."

Earth Reset Button.

When the water's colder than you thought...

'Before you attack, may I ask you to ensure that my twelve defenceless, soon to be starving kids, get my will?'

"It's a victory garden. And the weeds have won."

'He's so proud - We've got the best collection of weeds in the street!'

"You, my tenacious weed, are trespassing!"

'Looks like the deer are moving out of these woods.'

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

'He kept saying, I'm sick of weeds. I'm sick of weeds until he got sick of weeds.'

The Last Flower

Man look over neighbours fence at a man mowing his lawn. He is wearing a suit of armour to protect him from stones being thrown up by mower.

Global warming.

"If you ask me, you can't go wrong with this beautiful bouquet of marijuana."

'They must be trash fish!'

'Dad, there's a whaler under my bed!'

'This must be that planet where they also don't believe they have Global Warming.'

"I don't want any gifts from the woods that crawl or slither."