Wedding Skeptic Pillows

'There's one thing I would change if it was our wedding over again-I wouldn't turn up!'

Things one would rather have left unsaid - 'I will!'

'‘Join us for a pathetic affirmation of our otherwise insignificant existence, star billing in a manufactured melodrama.' I think it's a wedding invitation.'

It's hard not to be bitter the second time around.

'I don't think it will last.'

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Marriage least expected to last...

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

This is forever... till death do us part...

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

The Sleeping Congregation.

Cupid misses his shot.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

Cupid's Valentine

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

Yes, but.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'