Wedding Satirists Pillows

'We want to start divorce proceedings...'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'He does.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

The Aisle

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

The finer points of marriage.

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

'And by clicking on 'I Agree,' you agree to the terms and conditions...'

Australian wedding, sheep gesturing, 'If there's anybody here who knows why these two should not be wed...'

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

'Swear on your unpublished novels that you will support each other's ridiculous dreams.'