Ironic Wedding Humorist Pillows

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'He does.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'You may now kick the bride.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Man with lobotomy scar - "Changed my mind."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

Barry's fear of commitment crops up again.

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"