Wedding Planner's Client Pillows

'He and I still haven't agreed on a date. I want a traditional wedding with all the trimmings and he doesn't want to get married.'

Lesbian civil partnership.

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Boat wedding.

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'He does.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"...until death do you a favor."

'I always cry at weddings!'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Marriage least expected to last...

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."