Wedding Planner's Best Friend Pillows

"I can only play 9 holes . . . I think I'm supposed to get married today!"

'She'll have a nasty sugar hangover tomorrow.'

Lesbian civil partnership.

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Boat wedding.

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'He does.'

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'I always cry at weddings!'

"...until death do you a favor."

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

Wedding disaster #27.

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."