Wearable Tech User Gifts

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"My fit watch has conspired with the TV remote. The remote only stays on some fitness channel until I get up and exercise."

Ready for a run!

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole all my steps."

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

"Fit watch say me need more steps."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1,273,426 steps."

'It's so much more enjoyable since we got an electric one.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

"We worked out how to make the watch smaller, now we just need to figure out how to make it lighter!"

The 39 Steps

"...and if I press this button..."

"With all this wearable tech, I wish they'd come up with a smart belt."

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

"Next bench is four steps."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? It was wearing a Fitbit?"

"It's context aware, so it can tap your wrist when you're about to put your foot in your mouth."

"I thought it might speed up the dating process."

'And this wearable smartwatch sends a text to my wearable smartglasses to let me know when I'm not wearing any pants.'

"Have you considered upgrading to a newer model fitness tracker? That might solve your backache problems."

"Look, it even shows how much time I'm wasting on silly gadgets."

Much needed Apple Watch features

Fit-Bite

"Too much information."

'You don't have to text to see if I'd like a cup of tea. I'm here just ask me.'

"Hold on. I've got a call on my other wrist..."

"The time? Sorry - I don't have a phone."

New Fitbit app allows patients to monitor heart irregularities.

"Oh, he says he's a Mensa, but take away his smartphone and smartwatch and he's just another dumb jerk."

"And this app here tells me how much I'm spending on pointless gadgetry."

"These days I feel half naked without some electronic device stuck in my ear."

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."

"Today we're learning how to simultaneously drive and talk on the cell phone!"