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"Technically speaking you'll be creating my wealth."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Profit

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

The president's men

A fight in the Boardroom.

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Build Your Own Portfolio

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

Will work for ETFs

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

Watering Money

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

Thanks to the financial business scientists know it for sure now - Black Holes really exist!

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

The Shrinking Dollar.

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Stock market investment advice