Wannabe Wine Connoisseur T-Shirts

The Guy Who Invented An Alcohol Substitute

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'A cheeky red?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Sauvignon Bonk

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Now I really hate poetry."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

Bacchus.

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'... And this is my cellar.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.