Wannabe Pirate T-Shirts

'Son, as I can see it, your career prospects as a pirate seem to be... hm...limited!'

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

As Seen On TV

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

My First Boat

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"I didn’t need to tie his hands—I just entered it into his GPS. In three feet, the destination is below you."

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

"We don't bury treasure anymore - it's all in bitcoin."

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

Doctor telling pirate he has termites in his wooden leg.

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

'Wow! It even has it's own Crows Nest complete with lookout!'

'I have to download a software patch for my eyePhone.'

'Aye Aye phone.'

Talk like a pirate accountant day.

The Island

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

After the cutbacks at flight simulator school. . .

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

TO BOLDLY GO where everyone else went (not all that long ago...)

"My Dad would like to borrow a cup of milk...and a cook book."