Wannabe Pilot T-Shirts

After the cutbacks at flight simulator school. . .

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

"He built his own airplane from a kit."

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'When we start the countdown, you creep up under the rocket, light the fuse, then run like hell.'

As Seen On TV

My First Boat

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

I heard you're on your way to Europe to secure a source of black market hepatitis C drugs. What? What are you talking about? I deny everything. Where did you hear that? You added an airplane pillow, the "German For Dummies," the book "Hep C and You," and "Smugglerco Duffel Bag w/Secret Compartment" to your Amazon wishlist. I ordered you the book "Not Everyone Is Cut Out For A Life Of Crime." I deny everything.

Who do you think you're kidding? The cub scouts don't have a "special ops."

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

'I appreciate you desire to volunteer with Pilots Without Borders, but being a flightless bird you haven't enough flying hours to qualify with us.'

"In my day, we got bubblegum in our hair, not drones!"

Blue Origin

'They can also be used to keep an eye on the traffic around you.'

Driving School Car being Followed by Wreckers.

'Son, as I can see it, your career prospects as a pirate seem to be... hm...limited!'

Jenny has a mid-lithe crisis.

The Island

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

TO BOLDLY GO where everyone else went (not all that long ago...)

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

New harder driving tests - Instructor saying 'Find a parking space'.

"I've got a part in a soap."

"My Dad would like to borrow a cup of milk...and a cook book."

"Sure raising my allowance is great, daddy, but what I want is power of attorney!"

"Empty, like the last six joints you cased. Man, don't give up your day job."