Wall Street Warrior Pillows

A homeless man stands next to a sign that says 'Didn't diversify'."

"Of course I'm depressed. Just once I'd like to be associated with an up stock market."

In case of falling stocks, break glass (bottle of gin).

'Until that stabilizes, we will be monitoring your doses of market news.'

"Sometimes I'd like to smack the stock market across the face and tell it to just chill."

"Computer trading happens so fast, I hardly have time to hit my panic button."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'He's busy right now, sweating out a risky trade. Can he call you back?'

Stockopolis.

'Our research department analysts always expect tech stock to move higher, but they don't know which ones or when.'

Stock Market - Bull vs Bear

'We're picking up a strong emission from the third planet from the sun - something called the Dow Jones Average.'

'I guess this bank stress test is harder than I've thought...'

'So stocks are down and you've hit a little bump in the road...maybe you need a little bump to see what an arrogant, greedy twit you've become...'

Gorilla investment tactics.

'Time to buy.'

Hunting on Wall Street.

'Make sure he doesn't turn his TV to any business news programs while he's here.'

'As a new investor, you may be interested to know that that is how you're supposed to act in a down market.'

Wall Street Bar: 5-6 P.M. - Commiseration Hour

What happens when the bears are running the market.

Burnt Turkey

"Our stock closed at ninety yesterday. Your job will be to make our stock close at ninety one today. Et cetera..."

'How to make money in the stock market.'

'I never KNEW the SEC rounded up posses..'

'The worst part is, this is today's best-performing stock.'

Stamps: Emotional damage from trading...

"And it gives me great pleasure to reveal this statue which so aptly embodies the intrepid spirit of the Square Mile."

'Do it over. You spelled 'buy' wrong.'

'Okay, Honey, you're all set to trade today--see you at 6.'

'You know, for a second I was worried about which went where.'

Remember, it's all about Keeping up with Dow Jones

Making money for investors is simple

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'