Wall Street Professional Pillows

A dart board for the Federal Reserve's planning policy?

"Remember how mad I got when you looted all those pension funds?"

Rat Race Resources.

'I miss the rarefied atmosphere of Mt. Olympus.'

'When to sell a stock? My rule has been to do it when I'm ready to skip the country with my client's assets.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'Time to buy.'

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

Born to raise interest rates.

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'So, in 2079 you see the company breaking even. Can you give me some idea where you see things 10 years after that?'

'You simply put up a minimum of $2,500. If the price of fish goes up, your investment goes up. If the price of the fish goes down, your investment goes down.'

"Of course I'm depressed. Just once I'd like to be associated with an up stock market."

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

If only we could sell shares in doom and gloom.

"All agreed? We buy low and sell high."

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

"Today big pharma stocks rose on news 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated by pharmaceuticals."

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

A stripe of stockbrokers

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'But the short term view is very good.'

'They ought to change the name of this deli to The Cramer - they get it wrong 50 of the time.'

'Do it over. You spelled 'buy' wrong.'

'Son, someday you're going to be short all of this.'

Spare a few billion