Wall Street Professional Pillows

A dart board for the Federal Reserve's planning policy?

"Remember how mad I got when you looted all those pension funds?"

Rat Race Resources.

'I miss the rarefied atmosphere of Mt. Olympus.'

'When to sell a stock? My rule has been to do it when I'm ready to skip the country with my client's assets.'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

That Awkward Moment When You Discover That Wall Street's Insanity Is Helping You

'Time to buy.'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'Better brace yourself. It looks as though your broker's now equipping your monthly statement with crumple zones.'

Born to raise interest rates.

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'

Making money for investors is simple

'So, in 2079 you see the company breaking even. Can you give me some idea where you see things 10 years after that?'

'You simply put up a minimum of $2,500. If the price of fish goes up, your investment goes up. If the price of the fish goes down, your investment goes down.'

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"Of course I'm depressed. Just once I'd like to be associated with an up stock market."

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

'Twenty-seven years in a row the women investors in this club have outperformed the men--talk about lucky streaks.'

Pork Bellies.

'They ought to change the name of this deli to The Cramer - they get it wrong 50 of the time.'

If only we could sell shares in doom and gloom.

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'Son, someday you're going to be short all of this.'

'But the short term view is very good.'

"Today big pharma stocks rose on news 'down' is a state of mind that can be treated by pharmaceuticals."

"All agreed? We buy low and sell high."

Entertaining The Troops On Wall Street

'Do it over. You spelled 'buy' wrong.'