Waiter Wag Pillows

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

Diner.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'No ice.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Do you have any catsup?'