Waiter Wag Pillows

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Diner.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'A cheeky red?'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'Do you have any catsup?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Champagne

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"Who ordered the double chocolate parfait with a cherry on top?"

'No ice.'