Vow Reviser Pillows

"It's ok, you don't have to bother with all that."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I now pronounce you man and wife - do you wish to save these changes?"

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

"You said it—everybody heard you."

"The changes in the rules for risk management will turn the industry on its head."

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

Nutty Assistants

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

Marriage counsellor with 'Better' and 'Worse' desk trays.

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'I do, but no promises.'

'And do you Kevin, take, no arm twisting, please.'

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

"Genesis" "*The King Gus Version"

New Year's Resolutions...

'Do you, Isabel, promise to give it your best shot?'

"As long as we're renewing our vows, I'd like to trade him in for a newer model."

"I, Matthew, promise to go along to get along."

"You say snowman, I say snow woman. So, let's compromise by singing 'Frosty the Snow Person'."

"Hmmmph! They said the Space Program doesn't have room for me!"

"If you used the 'Idiot's Guide To Writing Resumes', try us when we're hiring idiots."

"Aside from Domino’s, China Palace and Lupe’s Fiesta Garden, do you have any professional references?"

'Yes, your wedding vows are still binding even if you DID get married during the Clinton administration.'

PERSONNEL, 'This is terribly embarrassing -- I've been married so many times, I've forgotten my maiden name.'