Vow Reviser Pillows

"It's ok, you don't have to bother with all that."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"I now pronounce you man and wife - do you wish to save these changes?"

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"You said it—everybody heard you."

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

Nutty Assistants

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

"The changes in the rules for risk management will turn the industry on its head."

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

Marriage counsellor with 'Better' and 'Worse' desk trays.

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'And do you Kevin, take, no arm twisting, please.'

'I do, but no promises.'

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

"Genesis" "*The King Gus Version"

New Year's Resolutions...

"Hmmmph! They said the Space Program doesn't have room for me!"

"If you used the 'Idiot's Guide To Writing Resumes', try us when we're hiring idiots."

'Yes, your wedding vows are still binding even if you DID get married during the Clinton administration.'

"Aside from Domino’s, China Palace and Lupe’s Fiesta Garden, do you have any professional references?"

"I, Matthew, promise to go along to get along."

"You say snowman, I say snow woman. So, let's compromise by singing 'Frosty the Snow Person'."

"As long as we're renewing our vows, I'd like to trade him in for a newer model."

'Do you, Isabel, promise to give it your best shot?'

'I don't think you'll be breaking your vow of silence if you say 'Ahh' for me just this once, brother Benedict.'