Volcano Vigilante Gifts

"Hey guys - wrote a new song! It's called 'I suggested Paris.' And a' one, two three..."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'Well, Mr. 'I don't need any sunblock', what have you got to say for yourself now?'

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

Guide to Contagious Diseases.

'This goes way beyond just keeping the flies off me...I'm fighting crime now too!'

Scarecrows guarding a field

The new global mantra flag for the future

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

About 40% of the nation's coronavirus deaths could have been prevented...

You can relax now.

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

"Maybe a little inconvenient, but not a single case of the flu in the entire office."

Nun confronts mugger.

Guns won't help

'Drugs' 'Viruses'.

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

"What happened to what cat?"

Ebola Clinic

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I wish I had emotions like people do. I wish I could think as logically as people do. I'd like to take a walk along the shoreline without rusting. Storing energy in a battery rather than a pot belly would be nice. Having a sense of humor would be fun. The ability to selectively delete memories would be great to have. I wish I didn't have to worry about digital viruses. I wish I didn't have to worry about biological viruses.

Omicron: "Viva 2022!"

Collapse of 'Corner Men'

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

"I do wish they'd hurry up with that vaccine, so I can get back to worrying about dying of something else."

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

Swine Flu danger as a pandemic

"No, it won't last long, but while it does I aim to fight as much evil as possible."

"Relax, it's not the killer-virus. It's 'Saturday Night Fever' so he'll be 'stayin' alive'."

Keep out - Covid-19

"Not only a great painter but a pioneer in promoting the awareness of self-harming."

A footballer is having an eye test.

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'