Voicemail Virtuoso T-Shirts

"Please go to voicemail...please go to voice...Oh Hi...so glad I caught you!"

"Before you leave for your vacation, re-record your extended leave message. The one you just made is too giddy."

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"This is the voicemail of Michel Barnier.For angry drunk ranting, press 1. For separate, weepy pleading, press 2. To just sorta breathe heavily into the phone for an extended period, press 3."

'She's out. Who shall I say was going to listen?'

"I'm away from my desk or on another line. Please leave a message at the sound of my impersonation of a beep."

"What do you mean: 'You don't believe that this is my answerphone'? Do you think I'd lie?"

"I can't find my stupid phone, so leave a message..."

"...You caught me at a bad time. I accidentally picked up the phone instead of letting voicemail answer it."

'I can't take your call right now. Please leave a message after the peep.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

'Sorry - wrong number... cute message though.'

The voices in Preston's head preferred leaving voicemail messages.

'Please leave a message after the beep and this short advertisement...'

"Who called this meeting again?"

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"Is there a way to disable Narcissus' self-view?"

"At work, we've switched to video calls for meetings, so my productivity has shot up exponentially. . ."

"He's in a meeting, but you have 25 seconds to leave a video message."

"5...4...3...2..."

Busking during a pandemic

"It's my support group for Zoom fatigue syndrome."

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

'I'm a voice over artist.'

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

". . . and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

Remote work

Voice Recognition Software.

"The pandemic has pushed us to revolutionize how we connect."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"An excellent interview Mr Twinglestop, now is there anything you'd like to ask me. . . Apart from home to switch off your 'cat filter'?"

Now Available....Zoom Etiquette

Barking From Home