Voice Change Humorist Pillows

In the middle of the recital, Ted hits puberty...

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Yes, I'm alone."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

'Can you do anything else?'

"Sopranos", "Tenors", "Basses"

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"So our ant-cestors come from Ant-artica?"

'. . . however, in the brand-new global ball-game of macro-economics we blah blah blather blah. . .'

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

'I do wish you would stop asking for change back when they pass the plate.'

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Woman to Plumber - 'Do you do teeth?'

Ahab's Last Call.

'That's your misfortune, and none of my own, I'm afraid.'

'I reckon your scouse accent has really got it flummoxed!'

"Hi honey, I'm gnome!"

Do I have a time to take a quick survey?

Ventriloquism for beginners.

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

I am a thnake ....

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

'My Mom was a call girl - and retired after 20 years at the phone company.'

"I'm sorry, you're very faint. Could you pant a bit louder please?"

'Your call is very important to us, unless you're an IMPOSTOR.'

"You're going to put me on hold? OK, I'm not going anywhere."

'You and grandma sound alike. Do you think she went through puberty since her last visit, too?'