Voice Change Humorist Pillows

In the middle of the recital, Ted hits puberty...

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Yes, I'm alone."

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"Are you aware that in your submission you misspelled 'deer editer'?"

"Sopranos", "Tenors", "Basses"

'Can you do anything else?'

"You are number 6 in queue for a song that will get stuck in your head for the rest of the day."

"So our ant-cestors come from Ant-artica?"

'. . . however, in the brand-new global ball-game of macro-economics we blah blah blather blah. . .'

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

Campus. F. You wrote "As air cools, water condenses and droplets form" in your paper for civics clss? I mistakenly Googled "Dew process" when I was writing it.

'I do wish you would stop asking for change back when they pass the plate.'

"In the name of all that is good, I cast thee away from this home...leave these people be!"

Vegetable Intelligence Agency. Gentlemen, I'm afraid there's a Leek in our organization!

Ahab's Last Call.

Woman to Plumber - 'Do you do teeth?'

'I reckon your scouse accent has really got it flummoxed!'

'That's your misfortune, and none of my own, I'm afraid.'

Tailor Shop. Repairs. Alterations. You're a tailor who fixes torn pants?! When we met in the bar you said you were a genetic engineer! No, I said I do "jean splicing"!

'Hello, you're through to the swine flu advice line. How can I help you?'

Do I have a time to take a quick survey?

"Hi honey, I'm gnome!"

Ventriloquism for beginners.

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.

I am a thnake ....

"OMG! You're still there! I'm going to have to out you on hold again while I figure out another way to get rid of you."

'My Mom was a call girl - and retired after 20 years at the phone company.'

'You and grandma sound alike. Do you think she went through puberty since her last visit, too?'

"I'm sorry, you're very faint. Could you pant a bit louder please?"

Ouch! Somebody's voice is changing!

'Please stay on the line -- Your call is very important to us.... important to us.... important to us.... important to us....'