Visual Irony Seeker Pillows

"I thought this was the Vermeer tour."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Artisan hot dog stand has pigs tethered to it.

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

What do you think about this "too big to fail" stuff?

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

The Red Carpet

"Barry stop!. . . I'm you! I'm Barry from 2008. I'm using a time machine to stop you from making an awful mistake!"

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

Eurydice in prison

"They say it's the last of the really big cattle drives, and I'm just glad I'm here to see it."

"The average citizen doesn't have a clue - or why would we keep getting re-elected?"

'A late payment and a friendly reminder cross paths in the mail.'

'We need to panic until common sense returns.'

"I always said I'd sleep when I'm dead, and yet here I am doing paperwork."

Lost and found - 'Can you desribe it?' (Queen being asked having lost her crown).

The Enemies Within? They're the Boys in Blue

"Beware of dog"

Whoever said "Brevity is the soul of wit" must have not read many tweets!

Local anaesthetic.

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

"Don't even start, Claire. You knew I was a snake when you took me in."

'I thought my people were happy, I know I was.

Greeting Card Shop: No Rhyme or Reason Cards.

'I get to work early and all I get are the worms.'

Cautious photojournalist.

'I see we'll be sampling the wines of New Jersey this evening.'

...I'm here at the gruesome scene now. Yes, what began as a candlelight vigil,ended in mass tragedy when the thousands of moths in attendance became inexplicably drawn to each other's flames.

"They found culturally insensitive products in my kitchen."

'We transformed our lives for the better.'

'Try rebooting.'