Visual Comedy Fans Gifts

Giant to librarian: 'Excuse me, do you have a large print version?'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"That'll be five bucks."

Shampoo.

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Cat with Nine Still Lives

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

"Caricatures $20"

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Standard & Poor

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Yakety-Yak

"Don't go in there!!"

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

The first case of resume padding.

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'