Visit Family Pillows

"I can't believe Great Abuelita Zoraida sent me $300 to buy a plane ticket to visit her! Where does she get all this money?"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Christmas Tree

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Barbecued dessert, anyone? The coals are PERFECT now!

Beware of the Dog Hair.

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

celebrating a birth.

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Children's Party

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

Paul goes home for the holidays

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

Any idea how long your family might be visiting?

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

Newton had actually discovered gravity at a family dinner in his early childhood.

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

'Couldn't you think of anything to say to Herb and Mary? They were nice enough to invite us over.'

'Hey, Grandma! Watch how long I can hold my breath underwater!'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

A family trying to make a child smile for a photo

'Next!'

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

"She looks just like in your photos."

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'