Virtual Wine Taster Gifts

Computer dating.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Sloaney Pony.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'A cheeky red?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Wine Lady

Yoga for Alcoholics

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Sauvignon Bonk

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

Bubbly

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

French wine

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'