Wine Taster Gifts

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

"Excellent, but not fit for a king."

"Are you really sure we're supposed to give points for sound?"

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

'Savage little brute, isn't it?'

'Yeah, I think it has too much tannin, too.'

'Mmm...it's got a good nose on it.'

'Smells all right to me, but then everything smells alright to me.'

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

'Frank, it's water.'

'It's very 'woody'...'

'Fruity nose, hints of wild cherry, soothing & gelatinous on the palate, goes well with cough and cold.'

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

'Ironically, before I fell on hard times, I was a professional wine taster.'

Man says: 'It's got quite a nose ... I'm getting notes of nutmeg, a whiff of autumn harvest and rain-sodden undergrowth, and with a tart, elderberry finish. Not bad for a urine sample, eh Doc?'

'Okay, which is it; the wine you served the Stewarts 6 weeks ago, or the wine you're serving them 6 weeks from now?'

'In order to be the king's permanent wine taster, you only have to be able to do 3 things: drink, swallow...and live.'

'Don't you try on shoes before you buy them?'

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

IRS, 'Yes, but in order to deduct it, you have to be a LICENSED wine-taster.'

'Now forget that I'm your boss and the CEO. How does my new product idea, Just the Lees, taste?'

'Which wine should I serve with tofu meat loaf and seaweed salad?'

'You'll like this, sir. It's known as the plonker's plonk.'

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

Amateurs de vin...

'He's judging our reserve pinot noir - five years to produce it, five seconds in his mouth.'

Wine taster with mineral water

"Hmm, this cheeky little red just stamped on my toes, poked me in the eye, kicked me in the nuts and said 'get a life, you sad git'."

"Hmm, over-oaked chardonnay! My kind of wine!"

"An interesting blend. . . notes of dry corn and overtones of dandelion leaf. . . essences of barley. . . a playful cabbage beetle finish."

'I was working as a wine taster until the boss fired me for not drinking on the job.'

'How about I leave the last splinter in? It'll be a good reminder to not take things literally, at your next barrel tasting.'

"Warm buttery overtones reminiscent of the summer sun setting over the Tuscan hills. A reipe peppery bouquet, shame it tastes like camel piss."

Help. Lost my wine tasting research grant.

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'