Virtual Gourmand Pillows

"I don't care how much I own – there's still something unsatisfying about digital Girl Scout Thin Mints."

Gone out...here is a computer simulation of your dinner

The wonderful world of cheese.

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

Just one more choccy...

Tomorrow we'll cheer the fourth of July! Picnics with families mean hot dogs to buy! Flags will be waving so proudly up high! And fireworks displays will light the night sky which Frank will miss due to way too much pie! Pie Eating Contest!

A London gent abroad

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

Microwave confusion.

"It's just like the regular stew only it's got some bits of matter in it we can't identify."

'Are you ready for dessert?'

'Don't worry, Sir. Most of our customers get indigestion when they see the bill.'

Menu. Specials. Soups. Salads. Drinks. You can't call this an internet cafe just because you have pull-down menus.

Storefront reading "Net 'n' Nosh (Formerly Books 'n' Java)"

"Love the cheese - not so sure about the presentation."

"The food was terrible, but my wife said it photographed well."

"Your dinner is at www.Icouldntbearsed.com."

Why Chemists shouldn't take their work home "I can't believe it's not b-b-vegetable mono & dyglycerides!"

'Thanksgiving dinner will be ready some time in February.'

'Chefs, the secret ingredient for tonight's competition is - wing of bat!'

For once, I'd like to order a non-soy-based tofu substitute. No more health food. I have Tofurkey.

"At this time, if everyone would please switch their palates to airplane mode."

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."

'George will be dining with us via Skype.'

"Now this is what I call a thanksgiving break."

"I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my worldview."

'What d'you say to a massive Szechuan-style wok fry-up before we start?'

"What're you doing for Thanksgiving, little buddy?" "Having a huge party." "It'll be full of turkey, cranberry sauce, wine, eggnog, football, and friends and family who love me dearly." "Oh, good. I was afraid you'd be alone all day playing video games." "'Turkey Slaughter VI' is no ordinary game." "You're coming to my place."

'Next time YOU pronounce it!'

"Before I serve seconds I'd like everyone to take out their phones and complete a short survey rating Barbara's fig-nut stuffing."