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We wish you a Merry and safe Christmas!

Santa Claus's Mail

Halloween may be a little different this year.

Margarita

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."

'My secret? Stay away from Halloween candy.'

Cinéma Vérité

North Pole twinned with Amazon

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

The Amazing Mr Sausage

Online marriage ceremony.

'My dress is thirteen years old today!'

'Well, this is definitely the last time I shake a bottle of Champagne before opening it.'

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

This Virtual Campaign Is Even Less Exciting Than the Usual Virtual Campaign

Biodegradable helium balloons.

'You add the girl after baking.'

"As your CPA, I would recommend you count the number of eggs before you hide them."

Because of bad weather and lots of people moving slowly on the path, it took forever to get here! Everybody was picking up a pumpkin on Wednesday. There was a huge crowd and long lines at the pumpkin patch. My brother and I can't be seated together today. We'd argue and disagree about who should run the village council. After this huge meal nobody's gonna want to stick around and clean up this mess! If they're still having this celebration centuries from now, I'm sure they'll have worked i

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

'They call them gifts, but they make you pay for them.'

'You're laying down that bottle for when Rich graduates from college? Don't you ever want to drink it?'

Florist.

"It's because her boss has forgotten her birthday."

"Christmas parties aren't nearly as much fun since we started teleworking. . ."

Santa School.

"Wow, the literary life is exhausting! Just when I finish 'What I Did On My Summer Vacation,' I need to begin my 'What I Want For Christmas' list!"

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

'Oh, you nut! I thought we agreed we weren't going to make a big fuss over birthdays anymore.'

"But. . . You always wanted a cat! Okay, maybe I shouldn't have packed your present five months ago. . ."

Happy birthday! Your card is in here somewhere. Living with a mail carrier.