Vintage Value Celebrator Gifts

I have an analogue mind in a digital world.

Emotional Bling

The Coiffing - to Illustrate poem 'The Ballad of a Barber'

Snapshots in Time

Scot holding a heart.

Two men wearing laurels and holding hands

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

Future Candidates For "Colorization"

Wine: New and Old.

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

"He had it commissioned just before he died."

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

"We're celebrating our 25th anniversary, so separate checks."

"Over the long haul, it's been a long haul."

I heart my bum.

'Hey, we're in style!'

"This is where the party budget ran out."

'Guy Fawkes and trick or treat - two for the price of one for one night only - please give generously.'

'You remembered our anniversary!'

'Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be...'

'I did all my facelifts myself!'

'This is the 1927 Georges de Latour you bought us for our anniversary, son. Mom spruced it up nicely with orange soda and melon balls.'

'Ooh, this is an old one. I'll bet it's worth its weight in oil.'

Dueling marionettes.

Mrs and Mrs Lesbian Halloween Pumpkin

Uncle Mort, I've been at this cafe for 20 years. It's my anniversary. So you're still employed? Yeah, I mean, yeah, of course you know tha … No thanks to greedy corporate interests! They've moved jobs and cash offshore, avoided paying taxes, spurred public policy that destroys the middle class! My anniversary gift: Your spit. I yell because I care.

"So those two men are getting married?"

'...gone! The remains of the iceberg that sank the Titanic, to...'

A slap-up meal.

'Of course I remembered. What is the traditional gift for a 25th wedding anniversary - steak or lobster?'

"You're wanted on the phone, Mum. Someone asking to speak to, the man of the house."

"There's old Fuchburg's harrumph. Right on time."

Ask Sadie. Sadie, my wife deserves so much more than I can give her. What can I buy her for our upcoming 36th wedding anniversary? - Wayne. *Actual reader letter. The 36th wedding anniversary? Isn't that wood paneling? What? First is paper, second is cotton, third is leather, and so forth. But wood paneling? Stucco? She has no clue. But she intuits these are the remodeling years.

Mr Chuckster Old Curiosity Shop

"And they said it would never last."