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Mafia Passport Photo

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

The Elliot Ness monster.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"Paper or plastic?"

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"I couldn't finish that book either."

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'Tonight's special presentation, 'The Myth of the Mafia,' was made possible by a grant from the Gambino family.'

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

"It's a beautiful day except for the murders."

Animals have broken into (and out of) Norm's home through window.

"Make it look like an accident"

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

Handcuffs.

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."