Vintage Art Collectors Gifts

Marriage of the Princess Royal

Master Bates explains a professional technicality

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Great Chinese Dynasties

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Diner.

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Use your imagination.

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

The original paperless office

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

"The following film has been formatted to fir the screen of the newer and more expensive television set."

Early Colour TV

Madame Rejane- Famous French Actress in the Part of Madame Sans Gene

A Quiet Rebuke.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

That's supposed to say garage sale!

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

Pre-Television Man Caves

"He's an abstract artist."

"Caricatures $20"

Art Gallery.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Roasted

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'