Vine Tamer T-Shirts

'It's incredible what you can grow in a plot of ground that's only one foot square!'

Lazy Gardeners

'Don't you think it's time you tackled the wandering dew?'

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

Not you. Your hair.

"Lovely dovetail."

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

New Swiss Army Knife

Parenting Business Deals

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

Education Guidance

Getting Rid of the Cure

'They've been in there all day writing the job description.'

Getting the Christmas Tree Home.

"Most projects require three hands."

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

I bake my own bread

'It's an emergency! The sitter wants to know where Marmaduke's doggie treats are!'

"You goo-goo, you gaa-gaa. But when push comes to shove, you whaa-whaa."

Using plant pots to reach inaccessible object

'There goes the world's largest fish.' (fish bowl)

Dave had yet to master his new nail machine gun.

'Where's your goldfish?'

Menace.

"Edgar, you've been retired for three years now. Why don't you loosen your tie?"

'His name is Ralph, but he'll only come to you if you shout 'biscuit'.'

Scrapyard Worker

"Just take the crowd out of it. Imagine everyone is naked."