Village Dweller T-Shirts

"It's been a struggle for Carlos to adjust to rural life, but now he's finally been accepted as the village idiot."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Ancient Landmarks of New York City

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

'Life is great' down on the farm.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

Country Bumpkin.

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

A man in a car waits for a large herd of cows to cross the road; once they have crossed he finds a cow sitting in the passenger seat of his car.

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

Lift buttons read: East Side/West Side/All Around the Town.

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

'Arf! Arf!'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"The only problem with living at the top of a mountain is the constant stream of people coming to ask stupid questions."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"The dangers of texting while walking #17"

Fish-tank Skyscraper.

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

A Young Boy Talking To An Old Gentleman.

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

Upper West Side Story

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."