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"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Herman Mankiewicz

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"Spoiler alert."

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"I'm sick of watching the same movie every day."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

'What do you mean, 'pass the remote control'?... We're at the cinema!'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

'No, when something blows up it doesn't buffer, that's just special effects.'

A father films his family while imagining himself as a director

"Everybody on the bus today was played by Anthony Hopkins."

A mummy, in police tape, chases a police officer.

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

'It's a 'Free Willy From Hollywood' petition: Would you please sign it...'

Oscars 2024

"We're gonna make, Rose! Keep washing your hands!"

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

The Directors Gut.