Vice Critic T-Shirts

'I'm giving up all of my good habits. They're easier to stop doing than bad habits.'

Smoking Area

"Bond James, Bond."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Herman Mankiewicz

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Difference of Opinion

"It turns out that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred typewriters, eventually they'll turn out the work of Tarantino."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Film Festival. Events. Screenings. Ernie attends these festivals in costume. He's gone over to the dork side!

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

No, this is the red lagoon, the black one is down the road a bit.

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

The Beard in the Stone

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

Can't Touch This

The Da Vinci Cod

"You had the power to leave all along - just click your heels three times, grab your coat, and sneak out without saying goodbye."