Veterinary Voyeur Gifts

"I had that James Herriot bloke in the back of my cow the other day..."

Lactose Intolerant

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

Young Dr. Dolittle.

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"Fill it up!"

"A CAT scan? Are you sure?"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"These new variants are triggering my impostor syndrome."

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

'Don't worry, my baser instincts are in a surgical waste bin in Hoboken.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'Peter it appears that you have an STD known as 'cottontail'.'

'Yes, Jeb, they do resemble the cow's symptoms...'

'The hills are alive with the sound of moo-sick!'

'He's wearing a toupee.'

'I don't think we should have any more eggs Chester. Maybe you should see the vet about having your chicken nuggets removed.'

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

'Good thing you called me... Yes, they've mixed worming powder with your food...'

'In a pig's eye, you say!'

"I'm afraid it's curiosity."

'I think I'm going deaf - I can't hear the horse whisperer.'

'Forget those itch creams, do what I do, just put your butt down on the carpet and scoot around the room.'