Veterinary Voyeur Gifts

"I had that James Herriot bloke in the back of my cow the other day..."

Lactose Intolerant

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"Fill it up!"

"A CAT scan? Are you sure?"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

"These new variants are triggering my impostor syndrome."

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

'Don't worry, my baser instincts are in a surgical waste bin in Hoboken.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'Yes, Jeb, they do resemble the cow's symptoms...'

'The hills are alive with the sound of moo-sick!'

'Peter it appears that you have an STD known as 'cottontail'.'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'He's wearing a toupee.'

'I don't think we should have any more eggs Chester. Maybe you should see the vet about having your chicken nuggets removed.'

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'Good thing you called me... Yes, they've mixed worming powder with your food...'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

'In a pig's eye, you say!'

"I'm afraid it's curiosity."

'I think I'm going deaf - I can't hear the horse whisperer.'

'Forget those itch creams, do what I do, just put your butt down on the carpet and scoot around the room.'

"Have you tried eating grass?"