Vermeer Enthusiast Pillows

'Vermeer's light is so unique... It's ideal for reading a good book!'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"I always thought of my childhood home as being larger."

Riverboat 4 Square Hustlers

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

"Yes, I'm alone."

'10,000 years and no one's improved on the idea of meat on a stick!'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"It was her mothers"

'It's a sign of the times, a high rise block of caves reserved for hermits.'

I Pagliacci

Poetry in motion - Runners quoting poems as they jog.

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

I loved Venice: So many statues to perch upon and people to feed you...

Too young for the sixties, too squeamish for the seventies, too unambitious for the eighties, too technophobic for the 90s, too poor for the '00s, too old for the 'teens."

'Letting him buy the stupid guns was the only way I'd ever get him to paint the house.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Fashion over function!"

The Art of Bantering!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"She gets her musical ability from me."

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."